January 2022, a month I would like to erase out of my mind.
I started my new year in the happiest state I have not been in for quite some time. I was in Paris with friends and on cloud 9 because I knew there were so many exciting things in store for this new year and had the most incredible December celebrating graduating with two masters, my 26th birthday, and traveling around Europe for weeks.
Then, last weekend came around.
I lost my mother on January 30th. It still seems wrong writing this, this can’t be real, wake up from this nightmare already. I have navigated the last six days feeling alone AND lonely. Do not get me wrong, I have moments where I love being alone but this lonely piece is new to me and I am struggling. I am scared to go to sleep every night and scared to wake up with another day going by without a phone call. I have an incredible support system but it is not the same.
Instead of diving deeper into my thoughts, I will share what I shared with my friends and family over Facebook in honor of my mom.
“The last two days of my life have taken me on a journey I never thought possible, to have to think I have to live in a world without my mom seems so wrong and unreal. Sadly, yesterday early yesterday I lost my mom. She was my world, my rock, my hero, my soul, my best friend. Nothing seems real. She loved her family, her friends, anyone along her path including the patients she cared for during her 30+ years in healthcare with every ounce of her soul. Her energy was surreal. She was such a force and do not get me started on that sassiness. She spent the past 14 months battling a rare form of cancer she nearly beat, and she was always optimistic and so damn strong. When I was not with her, we talked every day, day in and day out. It was hard to wake up today and not have a phone call from her. She truly was a special person and I know she will always be with me and everyone who had the privilege to know her. I am thankful I got an extra 14 months with her because of TGH and Moffitt — I got to celebrate some incredible milestones I was able to achieve with her by my side every step of the way while traveling to places to make her feel like she was physically there herself. I can talk all day about my mom, I know how proud of me she is, and I will continue to keep her proud. She is the prime example of the American dream; she came from Jamaica with nothing and created this incredible life for herself and everyone around her. It is the honor of my life to call her my mother. I cannot thank everyone enough for being there for my family through phone calls, sweet messages, and stopping by. We have such a strong support system and could not be more appreciative. I am aware this may come as a shock to many, however, please understand how private my mom was; she was a believer in talking only about the good. I will provide arrangement details down below in the comments. Please feel free to reach out to me and share these details, I love talking about how amazing my mom was and we are going to get through this and honor her memory forever.”
For those that have on this ride with me, thank you so much.
Life is precious, live it to the fullest and remind people how much you love them.